Thursday, January 23, 2014

Jobless frustrations

Scott is still looking for a job. He's been out of work for almost a year at this point. And there's nothing. He goes for interviews, they go with someone else. There are 10 other people interviewing for the same, entry-level position. He's frustrated; I'm frustrated. God's been taking care of us, along with our parents. Every month I know that we're going under, but every month something happens and it's just enough.
But I'm so tired of it. I know I'm depressed. I feel like I have a kind of PTSD - like everything that happens is going to be bad. Someone else needing money, some other bill we can't pay or didn't know about. It could be worse - and I'm so afraid it's going to get worse.
I get it. We spent a lot of years not paying attention to what we spent vs what we were making. We are paying that huge, consolidated bill now. And I'm glad to do it. We are much better now (by absolute necessity) at not spending money.
But what's the lesson? What haven't we learned yet?
Is it that Grace is always cognizant of what things cost and how that may influence who she marries and what she does for a living - check.
I know God is in control. I know God will take care of us. It's just so frustrating.
I'm buying and cooking healthier now. We hardly ever go out unless it's a mystery shop. I work every extra thing I can. I make and cook ahead all the time.
I know we're not waiting for the greatest job ever. He has no skills or ambition or motivation. He'll have the same kind of job he's always had. He just needs one. Now.

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